First blog post

This is my very first post. I’ve been dreaming of helping people since a neighbor tried to rape me at age 12. When I woke up with this creepy old man pulling my pants down, I froze. I panicked. I almost let him get away with it. Luckily, my Dad had taught me what to do. I punched him (or pushed him, it’s all a blur), ran as fast as I could, and locked myself in the bathroom. Luckily he was drunk and not very fast.

I was asked to testify in court, and I was so terrified of seeing him that I chose not to. He later snuck into another sleeping girl’s room and assaulted her. I felt like it was all my fault. If I had testified he may have gone to jail and wouldn’t have hurt her. With my innocent view of the world shattered, I decided I should help people who go through difficult things.

I went through many more difficult things as the years passed.  I struggled through severe depression, self-mutilation, even suicide attempts. I was placed in foster care due to my wildly unruly behavior. I finally changed for the better.

I began to work at changing my life, slowly but surely. I even got into college! I still wanted to help people, so I studied Psychology. I began to Love my Life! I loved it so much in fact, that I got the words Love Life tattooed on my wrist at age 19.

Then,  I went through many more difficult things. After moving to California at age 20, I had multiple failed relationships. I got married, separated, lived in shelters, lived in a tent, and struggled to find work during the recession.

I was stuck in a desert, both literally and figuratively. I couldn’t leave even if I had wanted to, due to a 50/50 custody order. I held out hope for my marriage for years before ultimately getting divorced. But I did finish my B.A., and started an online Master’s program while I was homeless, which I finally completed in December.

I wanted to help people, but I was too young and naive to realize that I didn’t need to change anyone but myself. Through all of this turmoil, I decided that I had to continue to Love my Life. I didn’t know how I would do it at first, but every day  I made the decision to Love Life.

Ok, some days I still hated my life and was pissed off at the hand I was dealt. But I did what I had to do to keep moving forward, and to work my way up to the life I wanted. I painted, I did yoga, I ate healthy foods, I hiked, I traveled. And through all of this difficulty and all of the amazingness, I began to know myself.

I have read so many books, talked to so many people, studied so many religions and beliefs. I truly desire to make my life one worth living and worth loving. That’s why I’m here now, to help others do the same.